Sexual Fantasies

In my experience, no matter how conservative or liberal, simplistic or complicated, bold or reserved we might be, we all have a kinky side to us.

That smirk on your face proves my point.

I’m here to tell you that having naughty thoughts or even elaborate fantasies is not only normal, but also healthy.

Social psychologist Justin Lehmiller says that fantasies allow a space for the mind to increase arousal and reduce anxiety. The escape allows the person to show up as their true sexual self.

According to Psychology Today, “The human mind is sexual, creative, and exploratory, and fantasizing is one way people satisfy their sexual needs and wants. As a result, most people experience a range of enticing, disturbing, or challenging sexual fantasies.”

And there’s no shame in that.

“Normalising sexual fantasies is important,” says psychosexual therapist Clare Faulkner. “Shame can be experienced when the subject matter strays from the perceived social norm. Fantasy offers the opportunity to explore sides of ourselves we wouldn’t necessarily explore in normal life. It’s important to emphasise that fantasy does not equate to reality.”

Some of the many benefits of fantasizing include:

It helps you recharge
It helps you get to know yourself
It helps you get creative
It is a safe space to hold your thoughts

So where exactly do these thoughts come from?

Societal influence is an obvious and important factor. The way we view sex is shaped by pornography and media but also our partners, families and friends. The associations, even non sexual, contribute towards how we view ourselves and our sexualities.

Previous experiences, both negative and positive, sexual and non sexual, often have a direct relationship to our fantasies. Infact, even trauma can influence what we fantasize about in the bedroom.

Our imagination is inherently creative and can cook up quite the story. This aspect combined with our sexual urges can create the wildest of fantasies.

And finally, a simple spontaneous urge can also lead to your mind’s mischief. According to an article published on Medium, “It’s completely common to find yourself with an inexplicable urge that seems as though it has no inspiration or source.”

Curious about some common fantasies? We got you covered.

We discovered an article that narrows down the categories (that covers all our thoughts)–

Orgys
Group sex

Rough sex and power play
BDSM and the likes would fall under this one

Adventure and novelty
Think…sex on the beach 🙂

Polyamory/swinging
Cuckholding, consensual non monogamy, open relationships

Forbidden sex/ kinky habits
Your foot and armpit fetish, for example

Passion
Grand romantic gestures that make you feel desired

Fluidity
Includes gender bending and sexually fluid fantasies

Phew.

I hope that just getting through this piece makes you feel seen.

I’ll proudly admit that I’ve danced through all the 7 categories outlined above, whether I was single or in a relationship.
(note: If with a partner, communication comes into play if you want things in real life)

And you’re definitely not as twisted as you thought…

Turns out, we’re all just a kinky bunch 🙂 :):)

Writer: Shanaya Tata